The Taming of the Sue
by AkitaFallow
Summary: Albus' eyes twinkled at her. "Let's just call it a... social experiment, if you will." McGonagall had the foreboding feeling that this year was going to be very strange indeed.  Parody, Mary Sue-bashing, proper IC-ness, etc.


**I felt I needed a multi-chapter fic that isn't as serious as MTJAM. And this idea has been bopping around in my head for awhile now. :)**

**Warnings: Beware randomosity and strong bouts of author insanity. Do not take this fic seriously. Mary Sue-bashing basically defines this crackfic.  
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**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters/concepts/plotlines related with said series. Nor do I own the many, many Mary Sue fics that are a taint to fanfiction's good name.  
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**_Prologue: A Social Experiment_  
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"Albus, I can't believe—"

"Now, now, Minerva, there is no need to be so stern."

McGonagall's eye twitched ever so slightly as her lips pursed. "I really must insist that you—"

Headmaster Albus Dumbledore smiled serenely as he cut her off again. "And I really must insist that you accept a lemon drop."

The deputy headmistress glared at the small dish of candies that was pushed towards her across the desk, and then turned her eyes back to the twinkling blue of the one offering the sweets. "This is no time for you to be—"

"No? That's a shame. They really are very good." He retracted his hand and plucked up one of the small yellow candies, popping it into his mouth with a small smile of satisfaction. "Would you like something different? Some tea, perhaps?"

Before McGonagall could protest, Dumbledore snapped his fingers, and a small house elf appeared.

"What can Dizzy be getting yous, great Headmaster Dumbledore sir?" the small creature asked, looking up at the elderly wizard with a glowing smile and wide, happy eyes.

"Some tea, please, Dizzy," Dumbledore replied with a smile, turning from McGonagall completely to address the elf. "And perhaps some of those small cakes I have grown fond of."

The elf's head was already bobbing up and down incessantly. "Any specific kind of tea Headmaster Dumbledore sir be wanting?"

"Just the usual, please," he smiled. The little elf's head bobbed once more before she disappeared.

McGonagall could no longer hold her tongue. "Albus. Headmaster. I am not sure _what_ you're planning, but I wish to know exactly _why_ you're—"

A sharp _crack_ heralded the arrival of Dizzy with a large tray, laden with a tea pot, two cups, sugar, cream, and a large plate of what looked like purple biscuits.

"Ah, thank you, Dizzy," the headmaster said as the tray was laid on the desk.

"You is being very welcome, Headmaster Dumbledore sir!" Dizzy replied with a squeak, her eyes shining in what looked disturbingly like hero-worship. "Is there being anything else that yous be needing?"

"No, that's just fine, thank you."

The elf gave one final look of devotion to Dumbledore before disappearing with a _crack_, not sparing Minerva a glance.

There was relative silence for a moment as Dumbledore poured tea into the two cups. Finally, McGonagall spoke.

"Are you going to let me finish my—"

"How do you take your tea, my dear?" Dumbledore asked, looking up at her with deceptively innocent, twinkling eyes. "Sugar? Cream? Perhaps something stronger?"

McGonagall slammed her hands down on the desk as her stern look finally cracked into one of annoyance, bordering on anger. "Headmaster, there are more important things to be discussed right now!"

She was beginning to think that maybe she'd gotten through to him after being able to finish a full sentence. Finally, the elder man looked up at her from stirring his tea.

"Biscuit?" he offered, gesturing at the tray of purple cakes.

Minerva snapped.

"No, I do not want a biscuit!" she barked. "I want to know what on earth it is you think you are doing by accepting a new student!"

Albus blinked up at her innocently. "Why, Minerva, I was not aware that Hogwarts was no longer accepting students. I suppose I shall have to contact the new first years and let them know..." He gave a very put-upon sigh that was far too heavy to truly be real.

"That is not what I am referring to and you know it!"

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "What else could you possibly be referring to?"

McGonagall growled in frustration, her composure slipping further. "The girl you're so intent on allowing to attend this year! A _seventh year_, Albus!"

The headmaster blinked up at her, before seeming to remember. "Oh, yes! Now I remember!"

"I doubt you ever forgot," the deputy headmistress muttered, glaring heatedly at the plate of cakes as if she wanted them to explode.

"Minerva, I assure you that I know exactly what I'm doing."

"Oh, do you?" she snapped. "So you know already that this new student will be six years behind her classmates, not to mention that she will be joining teenagers who already have their own groups of friends? There is no way that she would be able to fit in here comfortably! And what of her background? Do we know anything about her? For all we know, she could be a Death Eater! She could be out to harm the students! And even if she'd not, why would you even _consider _something that hasn't been done in all the history of Hogwarts? We don't accept older students, Albus!"

The headmaster waited for her to run out of steam, stirring his tea serenely. When she finally seemed to be done, he smiled at her. "My dear, I really must insist that you trust my judgment on this situation. After all, many of the points you bring up are valid; valid, but irrelevant. "

"How are they irrelevant?" McGonagall shrieked.

"I will explain everything when September arrives," Dumbledore said with a happy smile that crinkled his eyes. "Don't worry, my dear. I know what I'm doing."

"You... you..." She seemed to be at an utter loss for words. "But—"

"If that is all, then I had best get back to finishing my paperwork," he said cheerily, shuffling some papers in one hand while munching on one of those strange purple biscuits. "The school year won't prepare itself!"

Minerva clenched her fists a number of times, before letting out an explosive sigh. "Will you at the very least let me know what you expect to gain from inviting this... this..." She checked the acceptance letter response that she'd received just an hour ago. "This... Miss Mary Sue?"

Albus' eyes twinkled at her. "Let's just call it a... social experiment, if you will." He said no more on the topic, and turned back to his tea.

McGonagall had the foreboding feeling that this year was going to be very strange indeed.

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**This is going to be very amusing to write. Updates will be sporadic at best; basically when I don't feel like writing seriously. :) Review if you enjoyed!**


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